


Unbroken

by ryanhale



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:21:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26194813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryanhale/pseuds/ryanhale
Summary: Alex returns to his hometown after twenty years away and bumps into Zach.
Relationships: Zach Dempsey & Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 32
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, I could have added more of the main characters, but I didn't think they would add much more to the story. 
> 
> There are more chapters, will be adding them.

# Day 1 - Serendipity

Alex Standall was back in town for a funeral, his father’s funeral. He had been in a daze after seeing his father on his deathbed the day before. Today, he had wandered aimlessly and found himself in a familiar spot in town. 

The perception of familiarity faded like summer snow, melting as soon as he had felt it. The town was now a mix of new and old buildings, a hodgepodge of art deco that he remembered, modern glass and steel, and the current contemporary style that featured seamless curves using 3D printing. Individually, the buildings were nice, shiny and new, but the resulting mixture was like peanut butter with squid.

Monet’s was now Bank’s, a café that paid tribute to the mysterious artist that a long time ago had shredded a painting and made it all the more valuable. He stood in front of it now in the sun, soaking up rays that felt like delicious cream on his skin, a welcome respite in the chilly autumn breeze. He savoured the memory of hot coffee warming his hands, and when he and his friends met to talk, until they did not and did again.

He stopped at the entrance, contemplating every single drink on its new menu, and gave his slight love handle a pinch. He did that twenty years ago, but he probably should not do that now. He held the door handle and observed the people inside, crowded around someone tall and probably famous. He relaxed his grip and peered through the glass to get a better look. The silhouette seemed familiar. Those shoulders, the confident gait, and tanned skin. His eyes widened.

“Zach,” he whispered. Would Zach recognise him after having lost touch for so long? Would he even want to talk? Alex checked that he was presentable, not that he was a sloppy dresser. He was sharply dressed in a charcoal grey suit, and time had been kind to his thick auburn hair, which he still used to cover his scar. But he wanted to look presentable at least.

“Umm… you going to come in?” Said a familiar bass voice that stirred up memories of an evening on the rooftop.

“Zach!” he jumped. For a big guy, he was certainly light-footed.

“Ah ha! So you knew it was me!” Zach grinned. “What are you doing here?”

“Umm,” he wondered if it was too heavy to say to your first boy-crush, first boy-kiss after not meeting for two decades. “Family stuff.”

“I thought we said no more secrets!” Zach said with a smile but the smile froze.

“My dad,” Alex’s voice broke, and he looked down, trying to stop the tears but they welled up in his eyes. Big strong arms enveloped him, like some force field to protect him against the world.

“No, not here,” Zach said, “come with me.” Zach half-dragged and half-carried Alex to a car, opened the door, and sat him down on the passenger seat. The leather sang as Alex slid onto the seat.

“Thanks, you didn’t have to do that, your fans are waiting,” Alex said, wiping away tears, grateful that he had not spent his first day back in his hometown as a blubbering mess in the middle of town.

“Shhh, they have already waited five hours, I’m sure they won’t mind another half an hour especially if it’s for an old friend who needs company.”

“I only get half an hour?” Alex looked at Zach, his eyebrows raised. They laughed like teenagers. He remembered the dark times they shared, though that paled in comparison to what he had lived and seen since then.

“How’s.. how’s your dad?” Zach asked, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. He was kneeling by the car, so they were eye to eye. The light hit Zach’s eyes just right, making them shine like hazel jewels, a secret surprise.

“It was,” Alex paused, “it was cancer.” He felt like he had rocks in his throat. “He’s gone. He passed yesterday.”

Zach took his hand and hugged him. Zach smelled of coffee and sandalwood but there was something missing. _No alcohol._

“You must miss him so much. Do you want to talk about it?” Zach asked.

Alex replied, “Yes, and no.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know what talking is going to do. I just… I just feel this big ache in my heart, like someone had ripped out a dad-sized hole in it.” Alex clutched his chest.

“That sounds painful.” Zach said, squeezing his hand.

“You lost your dad when we were kids, I couldn’t fully understand why you acted the way that you did then, but now I wonder how you even made it to school. It hurts so bad.”

Zach nodded, “yeah, it does. But you helped me with that.”

“I don’t remember it that way. If anything, you helped me through it all.”

“Well, you did, and your dad helped us a lot too.”

Alex remembered Monty, Bryce, all of it. “He did.” Had it all been real? It seemed so long ago. “And he was my mom’s caregiver late in his final days. She’s got Alzheimer’s.”

“Shit. I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Sorry to load all this on you first thing after twenty years. Enough about me. How’ve you been? You’re looking great.”

“Still falling for the Zachy charm eh?”

Alex paused a moment too long. “Just telling it like it is,” He said. Zach was in great shape. He wore a fitting shirt that showed off his muscles without being too showy. His hair was shorter, and less thick than it had been, but it was still shiny and lush. “What were you doing in Monet’s, I mean Bank’s?” Alex asked.

“No shit, so sad that it’s gone! I was, am, releasing my new single.”

“What’s it called?” Alex asked, despite knowing the answer. He had followed news of Zach’s music career but had never made contact.

“Unbroken. About your journey through tough times in life, but you emerge stronger.”

“Sounds poetic. I like it.” Alex said.

“Thought you’d get it.”

“Well, I lived it.” Alex smiled pointing to his head. “Sing it to me?” He asked.

Zach sat back, and paused to think. As he was about speak, Alex’s phone rang.

Alex looked at his phone and furrowed his eyebrows. “Clay?” He answered the call.

“Hey, Alex,” Clay said, “I heard the news.” He paused. “From my folks. I’m sorry about your dad.”

“Thanks Clay, it’s good to hear from you.” Alex wiped his nose.

“My folks told me as soon as they heard. I’m flying over in a few days. I don’t think you should be alone.” There were street sounds on the other end. It sounded like Clay was walking as he spoke.

“I’d like that. And Zach’s here.” Alex stole a look at Zach. Zach gave him a toothy grin. Alex smiled back.

“Zach?” Clay was incredulous. “Zach Dempsey?”

Alex nodded, “yeah. He’s here with me now. We’re having a chat after I had a meltdown in town.” He covered his eyes briefly with his hand.

“I thought you guys haven’t talked at all, how’s he there so fast?” Clay asked.

“Serendipity, I guess, he’s here launching his single.” Alex smiled. “Look, he’s still with me, so we shouldn’t be bitching about him.”

Clay laughed. “Hang in there, yeah? I’ll be there. I want to be there for you, Alex. And say hi to him for me.”

“Thanks, Clay. I will.”

“I love you, buddy. See you soon.”

“I love you too.” Alex ended the call and looked at Zach. “Clay says hi.”

“So you guys have been in contact all this time?” Zach asked.

“Yup.” Alex answered guiltily. “I’m sorry, but I needed to forget you. And you weren’t the best at keeping in touch either.”

“Forget me?”

“I thought I could get over my feelings for you then, but it was hard. I still had feelings for you and they don’t just go away like that. Every time I saw you, I wanted to touch you and kiss you, even though I was with Charlie. I didn’t want to be one of those gay boys who chased after straight men, so I stayed away.”

“Thanks for being truthful with me. That’s a silly reason but I don’t blame you. I’m glad we met today, Alex.”

“Me too.”

“Where are you staying, at your old place?”

Alex nodded. “You?”

“At the Fairmont Hotel. Do you have anyone at home?”

Alex shook his head. “Brother won’t come for a few more days. I have to take care of the funeral arrangements and my mom. A nurse is taking care of her now.”

“I don’t think you should be alone tonight, not with just your mom anyway. Are you ok if I stay over at your place? I can sleep on the couch.” Zach looked at him, concerned. 

“Seriously, you’re going to give up on your comfortable bed at that five-star hotel?” 

“Hey, I remember your couch was pretty comfy!”

“Sure, you remember my address?”

“Yeah, I remember.” Zach said. “How could I forget? Let me get some things and I’ll be right over.”


	2. Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex comes to terms with his dad's passing with Zach's help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my oldest friends passed away from cancer earlier this year. Writing these scenes helped me to process my grief. For those who lost a loved one during these times, I hope this helps you a little.

# Day 2 – Letting Go

Alex and Zach were seated on the three-seater couch at the Standalls’, each holding an amber bottle in their hand. The lights were off, leaving the house dim except for the gray sunlight that shone through the windows.

The sky was dark and drizzling, filling the world with a hum as water met leaves, glass and concrete. Alex thought of the thunderstorms in Asia, where water dropped like honey and soaked you in mere seconds. Umbrellas were no match for those storms.

Zach had tried to sleep on the couch the night before but it could barely contain his tall frame.

Alex had slept slightly better but barely. After spending the night, Zach had offered to stay and help him with the funeral.

Zach, set his beer down and opened his leather sling bag. “I brought you this,” he said as he took out a worn-out book and handed it to Alex.

“When breath becomes air.” Alex flipped the book around to read the synopsis. “So that’s your errand.”

“It’s about a neurosurgeon who wrote about his journey with brain cancer. I also went to get my stuff from the hotel, and check out.”

“Thank you. How is reading about more death going to help me?”

“It helped me when my dad died. It was one of the books I read to understand more about death. Death, or anything, is always scarier when you don’t know what it is like. Don’t get me wrong, death still sucks, but understanding what someone dying was going through, makes it slightly less so.”

“If you say so,” Alex was doubtful, but it would not hurt to give it a try. “This was yours?”

“Yep,” Zach took a swig of beer and set the bottle down on the walnut coffee table, the foam bursting like little fireworks.

“It must have been so tough for you.” Alex said, still looking at the book.

“It was. I don’t know if everyone goes through the same thing, but for me it felt like I was never going to be happy again. I can tell you that, it gets better, and corny as it sounds, that person lives on in your memories.”

“Can I have some immediate relief instead?” Alex said, holding a hand to his chest. He wasn’t joking, his heart had been hurting so much that he suspected a heart attack.

“Come here.” Zach wrapped his arms around Alex.

Alex rested his head on Zach’s shoulder and hugged him tight. He had not realised that he had been tense. He unwound like a spring, from his neck, shoulder, back and finally his legs. He found himself sobbing. “I’m sor..sorry,” he said and moved to pull back. Zach held on to him, “it’s ok, just cry it out.”

The sobs took over and shook his body and he wailed, a low, guttural, inhuman voice that he had never heard before, not even when Justin passed. And Zach just let him cry, stroking his back like a babe, while Alex soaked his shirt with tears.

The sobs died down and Alex quietened, with an occasional sob punctuating the quiet, while Zach held him, and the air was only filled with petrichor and the murmurings of the rain.

That night, Alex sat in the dark in his bedroom. His room had been untouched since the day he left for college, but it was clean. Posters from his teenage days still adorned the walls, faded in hues of yellow and orange with age. He had been meaning to take those down every time he was back but never got around to it.

“How are you?” Jessica asked.

“Devastated over my dad. I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night and it feels like the tears won’t stop at this point,” Alex said into the laptop on his bed. “It hurts, my heart hurts so bad.”

“Is anyone with you right now? I don’t think you should be alone.”

“Zach Dempsey is in my house.”

“What?” Jessica exclaimed. “I thought we lost touch with him since he got famous.”

“Yeah, we did. I bumped into him in town.”

“You guys won’t be alone for long, I’m coming in a few days as soon as I settle things at work. It’d be good to catch up in person.”

“Yeah, it’d be good to see you again, Jess. It feels like years since we met.”

“Sorry babe, kind of hard to meet when I’m in Singapore. Well, at least we met up last year.”

“How is it there?”

“The climate control system has been wonky recently, so it’s a little bit warmer. I love it. The locals hate it.” She laughed. “They love it freezing cold all the time!”

“When do you think you’ll be back for good?”

“I’m not sure, I love it here. The economy is strong, and I’m not having trouble meeting my sales targets in the Asian market. It’s clean, safe and the men are generally respectful. There’s no culture of catcalling and I can walk alone safely on the streets at night. There are no guns, no drugs. Well, few illegal drugs. I could stay here forever if I didn’t miss family and friends and hot weather.”

“Yeah, it feels so different over there. I had always thought America was the best. Travelling to Europe and Asia really opened my eyes to how fucked up our country was, and still is.”

“Speaking of which, I can’t believe that they voted for this Party again. It’s been twenty years since that COVID disaster!” She paused. “But let’s not talk politics. I get so worked up! Let’s talk Dempsey.”

“I hear you about the voting thing. What do you want to know about Zach?”

“How do you feel about him now?” Jessica asked, lying in bed. Not the most flattering angle for a still-attractive woman, but he had seen her at her worst.

“Familiar, I guess? Like we are teenagers again. We sure act like teenagers.”

Jessica laughed. “Yeah, well I always say grown-ups are just big-sized kids!”

“I know, right? At 40, we realise they were just as clueless as us.” His eyes misted. “My dad always looked like he knew what he was doing. Accepting my suicide attempt. Accepting me dating men. Always looking out for me. I feel so scared and alone now that he’s gone, Jess. It’s like I have no anchor and no one has my back. No offense.”

“None taken, babe, I know that I can’t fully understand what you’re going through. I mean, Justin was a big part of my life, but your dad – he was that pillar that supported all of us. I don’t know what I would feel if my dad were gone.”

Alex nodded, wiping tears. “Sorry, you wanted to talk about happier stuff.”

“It’s ok, you need to process this huge swell of emotions now and that takes time and conversations.”

“I also want to talk about Zach though. He’s going to stay in my house until the funeral. He thought I shouldn’t be alone.”

“That’s sweet of him.”

“Jess.” Alex said.

“Yeah?”

“I think I’m falling for him again.”


	3. Catching Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Zach catch up on the missing years while looking for a photograph of his dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going through photos when someone's recently gone is terribly sad, it reminds you that they are no longer here, but you also marvel at the many good memories you had. It's a mixed bag.

# Day 3 – Catching Up

Alex sat on the kitchen table, surrounded by all types of papers: to do lists, legal documents, brochures and pamphlets. He had forgotten to drink his coffee and it had gone cold sitting next to him. Feeling frustrated, he stole a glance at Zach who was asleep on the couch, mouth slightly ajar. _How does he look so adorable even when asleep?_

Zach stirred, opened his eyes, and noticed Alex looking at him. “What’s up?” He asked.

Alex, remembering what he was doing, sat up and busied himself with the papers around him.

“Being an adult sucks! There were so many things to do. I’ve just finished the one task of arranging the funeral and booked the church. There’s the will to execute, funeral to arrange, a suit and photo of my dad to choose, and personal effects that I need to deal with. I need to sell the house, put my mom in a full-time care facility near New York so I can look after her. Look, I made a list!” He held up the sheet of paper and took a deep breath.

Zach walked over, rested his hand on Alex’s shoulder and studied the list. “Good job! It’s _almost_ Clay standard. Let me help you with the suit and the photo first, we’ll decide on the rest later, ok?”

“You sure? I mean, don’t you still have launch your single and take care of personal stuff?”

“Nope, I changed some plans, so I’m all yours for the next few days. There’s one day that I need to be away, and I’ll need to make some calls but I can do those here.”

“What about your family? Don’t they miss you?”

Zach paused. “You know?”

“Yeah, I know about your wife Sarah and your two kids. I read the news.”

“Well, what you don’t know is that we are separated.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Zach. You’ve been listening to me while you’re going through a tough time on your own. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Umm.. maybe later, I’m still processing. I miss my kids, but it’s an arrangement that they are familiar with and I’ve been calling them every night. So, let me take care of these errands and we can decide about the rest later, ok?”

“Ok.”

“Zach.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you, for being here, and keeping me sane. I really appreciate it.”

“I’m happy to, Alex. I’m glad to be here. It helps me take my mind off things.”

* * *

Later that afternoon, Alex passed Zach a hard disk drive of photos that he had of his dad. Zach went through them methodically over a few hours, humming a few bars and singing as he went along. Even without musical accompaniment, Zach’s voice was like the dawn sun that peered through the forest canopy to bathe the forest floor with golden light. When he stopped singing, the room dimmed and everything seemed dull.

“That was beautiful,” Alex said. He had stopped whatever he was doing to listen and by the end of the song had found his cheeks wet. He wiped the tears away with his sleeve.

“Thank you,” Zach smiled. “People tell me I sing good.” He then continued, “If you want, I can show you what I’ve shortlisted. I trawled through the photos you gave me and thought you would want something from a few years back, so we can all remember him at his best.”

“He would have wanted that,” Alex agreed, walking to Zach’s side, and stood close to get a better look of the laptop screen. He caught a waft of sandalwood. He was glad he didn’t have to go through all the photos, he was worried seeing all the photos would destroy him. He had been getting flashbacks of his dad’s last day, seeing his dad old and frail on the bed, and his mother confused and disoriented.

“First option, police uniform?”

Alex shook his head, “no, he’s got a stern expression on that one.”

“How about this?” Zach showed a photo of Bill with the Colosseum in the background.

“That’s a great one. We took this picture when I brought him and mom on a trip to Europe. It was tiring for them but they really enjoyed it. It took me three years to pay off the credit cards but it was all worth it. When dad came back, he told everyone how great the trip was and that his son had paid for it.”

“He was really proud of you,” Zach said. “You did good.”

“It was the first time they had gone across the ocean. I was very happy that we were able to go. They loved the Italian food so much, despite there being no Hawaiian Pizza.”

“I hope they didn’t ask for it.” Zach laughed.

“Dad did! The Pizzeria staff gave us weird looks and I laughed out of embarrassment,” Alex smiled, then sighed. “I miss my dad.”

Zach gave Alex a moment then continued, “You know, going through these photos was like taking a crash course in your life.” Zach said. “You’ve got a lot of good photos of your own and it looks like you’ve lived a great life on your own and with your folks.” And looking at him, “I’ve missed out on a lot. Apparently, you go for exotic holidays and champagne brunches now.”

“I had to take those glamourous photos otherwise people wouldn’t believe I worked in Marketing.”

“Does that explain the nudes as well? I skipped those very quickly,” Zach said. “I swear.”

“I’m insulted. I happen to think I look very nice in those.” Alex said, but he blushed. _How did those get there?_

“That is true, you look pretty much like you did in high school and I mean that in a good way, but I didn’t want to intrude on your privacy.”

“I was kidding, I took those for posterity, not for date apps. Thank you for defending my honour.” They clicked past a few more photos and stopped at one of Alex kissing a taller man in their home. They looked very happy.

“Yeah, I also saw these. Your boyfriend is quite handsome.”

“Ex-boyfriend. We broke up.” Alex clicked past the photos rather quickly and furiously.

“Oh. I was wondering why he wasn’t here with you. Bad break-up?”

Alex nodded.

* * *

Alex was in an important meeting with a client when he received the call from the unknown number. Having received a number of scam calls, he had ignored it and thought nothing of it. By the end of the day, he saw more missed calls as he left the office.

He got home to his condominium overlooking the city. The condo was decorated in the current reincarnation of the style of the twenties, with wooden floors and smooth clean lines. It was filled with Scandinavian wooden furniture made of teak. He looked out the window, admiring the city of New York. The streetlights looked like fairy lights from that height. His phone rang.

“Mr. Standall? I understand that you’re Bill Standall’s next-of-kin? He had you listed as his emergency contact,” The man said on the other end. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but he’s in a bad state in the hospital.”

“How can that possible?” Alex was shocked. To his knowledge, the experimental treatment was working. His dad was getting stronger, he had been going for walks around the neighbourhood.

“We’re sorry, what we heard was that he had fainted at home and a neighbour had found him and called 911. Would you be able to come down so we can work with you on what we can do from here forward?”

Alex nodded and said, “yes, I’ll be there first thing tomorrow.”

“Who was that, babe?” His boyfriend, also called Alex, asked. He was athletic, tall and tanned, the stuff of fantasies and only wearing boxers as he hugged Alex from the back.

“Look, my dad’s gotten worse, and I’ve got to fly back to take care of him,” Alex said, not turning around.

“Can’t your brother do it? I need a ride tomorrow for the game. My car’s in the workshop.”

“Take a taxi or something?”

“Babe, you can’t just drop everything for your family. It’s always about being there for your father. What about me?”

“You’re right,” Alex clenched his fist, turned around and took a good long look at his boyfriend. _How could someone so attractive look so detestable at the same time? “_ We’re done. Get out of here.”

The boyfriend stood stunned. “Wha.. you’re out of your mind.”

“I’ve never been more lucid. Pack your bags and go.”

The boyfriend stood a little longer, while Alex made arrangements for air tickets and started writing his resignation email on his laptop. He heard the sound of retreating footsteps and packing, and when the footsteps approached, he felt a blow to his back. His now ex had punched him and then calmly walked out the front door, slamming it shut. It hurt, but at least it distracted him from the pain in his chest. He broke down and sobbed.


	4. School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay, Jessica, Alex and Zach decide to visit the school and recount old memories.

# Day 5 - School

Zach, Clay, and Alex were seated at Bank’s waiting for Jessica. The place was quite full and the patrons snuck glances at Zach as they sat talking. The décor inside reminded him of Monet’s but it more upscale, the edges were cleaner and smoother, like those 3D printed buildings outside. Pictures of Banksy’s work adorned the walls in glossy white frames. They had ordered three coffees. The bill came up to fifty dollars. Alex used to be shocked when a coffee cost seven dollars each.

While waiting for Jessica, Clay told Zach that he was in robotics developing pilotable robots, in case another pandemic hit again. This wasn’t news to Alex, obviously, as they had been in touch. Clay also offered to help out with the funeral arrangements.

Alex saw Jessica through the glass, and waved at her, barely containing his excitement. He wasn’t sure how he was going to feel, and was worried that he would be a downer. He felt happy that seeing Jessica lifted his spirits.

“Alex, FML, I’ve missed you!” Jessica exclaimed as she ran up to hug Alex and kissed him on the cheek.

“FML, Jess.” Alex replied as he gave her a squeeze.

“Hey Clay, Zach,” she said, and hugged them in greeting.

“When did you last see each other?” Zach asked.

Alex and Jessica looked at each other. “Last year,” Jessica replied. “This guy here wanted to celebrate his fortieth in a big way. So he went on a grand Asia tour. He visited me in Singapore and we went to Bali together.”

“That sounds epic,” Zach said. “You should tell me about it, Alex.”

“It was! But unfortunately work was busy, so I could only spend Bali with him. He got pulled into some tourist scams in Bangkok, but no harm done.” Jessica said.

“How’ve you been Jess? You’re looking good.” Zach asked.

“I’m based in Singapore now, with my parents, husband and two kids.”

“That’s great. I’ve got two kids myself. Do you guys need to catch up? Shall I leave you guys alone to talk?”

“No need, we chat over video calls quite regularly, please stay, Zach,” Alex said. “I’ve been updating Jessica.”

Zach raised his eyebrows. “No wonder she wasn’t surprised to see me.”

“What do you feel like doing today, Alex?” Jessica asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Nothing, really. Just spending time with you guys is already making me feel better. I didn’t expect you to travel halfway around the world for me. I’m really touched,” Alex said.

“Well, you travelled halfway around the world to see me too,” Jessica said.

“Kind of hard to compare since my trip was to party,” Alex laughed.

“I’m just glad to be here for you. Is there anything I can do to help, Alex?” Jessica asked. “Maybe, I can help you pick out your dad’s suit.”

“Zach’s already helping me with that,” Alex said. “And Clay agreed to help with _logistics and operations_.”

“Can’t think of any other person more suitable or anal,” Jessica said, putting a hand on Clay’s arm.

Clay smiled.

“I can join Zach and help with sending out the invitations too,” Jessica continued. “You’re dealing with a lot, let me share this with you.”

“I really appreciate you being here, Jessica, and your help definitely,” Alex said, his eyes misting over. “I’m so glad you’re here,” Alex looked around, “that all of you are here.”

* * *

Later in the evening, they stopped by Liberty High in Zach’s car. They had decided to visit because, while they had been back in town before, they had not gone back to see the school for a long time. It made sense to come now that they were in town together and revisit old memories.

They got out of the car at the car park and looked at the school. It was deserted, save for a few teenagers. The school looked mostly the same, but new extensions and labs had sprung up around the school grounds. The style was a mix of old and new, and unfortunately, some new architecture stuck out like a cat wearing false eyelashes. Alex remembered those many afternoons walking through its halls, eating lunch at the cafeteria, and a little of sitting in class. The deepest memories he had of this place, though, was that of his friends.

“It’s a pity, isn’t it, them bull-dozing over our memories,” Jessica said. “I mean, they can take the bad ones, but I’d like the good ones to stay.”

“We had good ones?” Alex asked.

“Yeah, I literally had nightmares here,” Clay said.

“Do you really mean that?” Jessica asked.

“Of course not. You guys are the best memories I can have, and I don’t need a building to help me remember, I just need you,” Alex said, and he meant it.

“Aww, that’s sweet,” Jessica said, giving Alex a hug, “I feel the same. But what was your favourite memory?”

Alex wondered whether he should tell the truth, but decided to, “it was probably when Zach was helping me with physiotherapy at the pool. I was an ass to him but he stuck around.”

Zach smiled and said, “that is probably was my favourite memory too. You had a temper, but so harmless at the same time. You were actually quite adorable to watch.”

“Hey, no chickening out. Choose your own memory!” Alex said. _Adorable?_ He thought. _I took Bryce out for you._

“Well, in that case, probably when you and I were smashing things up during the riot,” Zach said.

“That riot was wild. Probably not my proudest moment,” Clay said. “Even if I did blow up a car.” His grin said otherwise.

“Jessica?” Alex asked and turned to look at her.

A tear rolled down Jessica’s face. She smiled and said, “having had that last dance with Justin at Senior Prom. I was really lucky that he came.”

Clay nodded and said, “You must miss him so much.”

She nodded, “it was harder then. Nowadays, I think of him once in a while. The happier memories.”

“I miss him too,” Clay said. “I keep wondering how life had been like if we had found it sooner.”

Alex looked at Zach who was quiet. “You ok, Zach? You knew him the longest and you were good friends.”

“Yeah, just thinking of our good times together, that’s all,” he said, looked at Alex and smiled. “C’mon let’s go check out the football field where Jessica stripped naked,” Zach said, leading the way.

“I wasn’t naked!” Jessica said and followed anyway.

The football field was as they remembered, with some upgrades to the seating and more energy efficient lights. The grass smelled freshly cut.

The field reminded Alex of Charlie, and the games he had been ‘forced’ to watch. In truth, he was proud each time Charlie went out on the field, and had even gotten excited by the game. It was after one of these games late at night, while waiting for Charlie that Alex had a conversation with his dad.

“What if I’m not good enough?” he asked, in a moment of self-doubt. “And Charlie leaves me for someone else?”

“But you are good,” Bill Standall said. “You’re not perfect, everyone has flaws, and so do you. Your flaws seem bigger to you because you see all of them, all the time. No one else has that perspective. And if your flaws are big, I am sure Charlie has seen them already and decided that he wants to continue to be your boyfriend. So let him decide if you are good enough for him, and you do the same. Is he good enough for you?”

Alex nodded and he had tried to live by his dad’s words, to never decide that he was not good enough. Somewhere along the way, he had forgotten his dad's words, but he remembered them now.


	5. A Sea of Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach and Alex see stars.

# Night 6 – A Sea of Stars

It was evening and they were in Bill Standall’s room, sorting through his personal effects. The room had been cleaned up, but there were many things that had piled up over the years. Books, magazines and boxes were stacked high. Multiple bottles of medication of the same type cluttered the dresser, chronicling Bill’s battle with cancer.

“How long have you been back?” Zach asked.

“About a week,” Alex said. “My relatives had been bringing my dad for chemo and I dropped in regularly to make sure that he was ok. He always told me to go ahead and live my life, and that his condition was improving.” Alex looked at the medication.

Alex continued. “He fainted while at home and the hospital called me. I quit my job then to spend more time with him. But it was too late, by the time everything was sorted, they told me to prepare for the worst.”

Alex glanced at his parents’ wedding photo on the side table. “He was breathless, completely bald, and had lost a lot of weight. It didn’t seem like him at the end.”

“It is tough to see your parents, who you used to rely on, become frail.” Zach said.

“It was. To see my dad who was once so strong, in that state, it was painful. And I blame myself that I didn’t do more, I could have quit my job earlier.”

“Do you think that would have been better for you and him?”

“He told me not to throw away my career, and that he was proud that he had sent two of his sons to university. I also needed the job to pay for the treatments, insurance only paid for so much.”

“Then, it sounds like you did your best, but still feel guilt that you could have done more?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, I feel guilty.”

“I felt that way about my dad too, that I didn’t spend more time with him before he was gone. It lasted a while, and I needed time to figure out what I was feeling. You will too, but stop thinking about the things you didn’t do, and remember the good stuff you did.”

“I wish I was there for you then, like you are here for me now.”

“You were. You were kind of stuck with me, crippled so you couldn’t get away,” Zach teased.

Alex shoved Zach playfully. “Stop making me glad that I shot myself.” Amongst the clutter, Alex picked a large cardbox box and opened it, which made him stare.

“What’s wrong?”

“These are some the things that I’ve given my dad for his birthday and Christmas.” Inside the box were some well-worn wallets and belts. His dad was a simple man, and there were only so many things that Alex could get him. Some years he bought watches, a TV and some vouchers once, but inside the box was everything else. “He couldn’t bear to throw them away.”

“Are these drawings yours?”

“Yeah.” The papers were yellow with age, but the colours were still recognisable. On one he had drawn his dad as a superhero and scrawled his name on a corner.

Alex nodded, sniffling, looking at the box. “The funny thing is, I have a similar cardboard box filled with the stuff he’s given me through the years and I’ve never known that he was doing the same. Some of these gifts I’ve forgotten. But this - ” He held the superhero drawing up. “This I remember. I gave it to dad,” he stammered, the tears were coming again. “For Father’s day. Dad loved it and put it up on the fridge. When it disappeared a few years later, I had thought nothing of it, I believed that dad had gotten rid of it since it was old.”

Alex looked at Zach with tears rolling down his cheek, “but it had been in the box all this time. Dad would have seen it every time he placed a worn-out present inside.”

Zach nodded, patting Alex’s back. “That was very sweet of him. He loved you a lot and I think he showed you that every day.” Zach waited for Alex to recollect himself.

“I don’t think I can look through more of this today,” Alex said.

“C’mon, let’s take a break. Let me take you for a drive somewhere.”

Zach drove in the dark, far out of town, all the way to the fields on the hills where there were no city lights. With no moon or streetlights, the only light source was from the car dashboard and powerful headlights. The night was quiet, except for the simulated engine hum, and the occasional insect hitting the windscreen. They stopped on top of a hill overlooking the fields, and the engine powered down with a bell tone.

“Isn’t this like a lover’s lookout point?” Alex asked.

“Yes, it is a lover’s lookout point, but for good reason. It’s also an excellent stargazing spot. I used to drive out here to spend some time alone and think.” He lowered the car roof and reclined the car seats, and they gazed at the twinkling stream of stars called the Milky Way.

As Alex’s eyes acclimatised to the dark, more and more stars appeared in his vision until the sky wasn’t dark but a massive sea of stars. “Wow, this is so beautiful, Zach. I missed the stars. You can’t see any in New York.”

“I can’t either from LA,” Zach said. “So, why did you move to New York?”

“Well, it’s where some of the best marketing companies are, and it’s good for my job.” _It was also to forget you for good because back then, the sight of you rekindled my love for you._

A line of light flashed in the starlit sky. “Hey, a shooting star.” Alex said.

“Quick, make a wish.”

“I’m too old for wishes!”

“Make one anyway.”

Alex could not wish for his dad back, so he wished for the next best thing, that Zach would not be far away again, and he would be near. As friend or lover, he didn’t care.

“Did you make one?” Alex asked.

“Nah, I’m too old,” Zach said in the darkness, but Alex could picture his cheeky smile. “So about New York, you weren’t trying to get away from me, were you?” Zach asked. “If you were, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be silly. I needed time away from all this, to grow and figure out who I was. Reinvent myself.” His eyes were adjusting to the complete darkness. He tried to make out Zach’s face by starlight. “Why did you go to LA? I think I know the answer but I don’t want to presume.”

“It’s where the entertainment scene is, everyone goes there to get famous. Not many succeed, so I count myself lucky that I have at least something to show for it.”

“Twelve number one singles is quite a lot to show for.” The words came out before Alex could stop himself.

“You’ve been keeping track.”

“I read the news.” Alex said, “don’t read anything into it!”

“So, do you still have feelings for me?”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay, especially after how you were at the last year of high school. I’m very proud of what you’ve achieved on your own.”

“Your words woke me up.”

“I’m glad they did,” Alex said. “They are so beautiful. The stars. Thanks for bringing me here, Zach.”

Another sliver of light pierced the darkness. “Look! Another shooting star.” Alex exclaimed. “I’ve counted five so far. Why are there so many?”

“The Orionids. They peak tonight.”

“Didn’t figure you were an astronomer, Dr Zach.”

“Well, I came out here often after my dad died, and noticed that some nights, there were more shooting stars, well, meteor showers. I got curious and read up on them.”

“Why here?”

“I felt alone and crowds made me feel even more alone. So I came here, far away from people.”

“Why did you stop? You never mentioned this to me before.”

“We started hanging out, I didn't need to come here anymore.” Zach said.

 _Did Zach mean more than he let on?_ Alex wondered.

“Looking up made me feel so small then, and it helped to put perspective to my problems. Stuff was just.. stuff,” Zach continued. “But the effects were temporary only, as you saw.”

“Was that why you were, erm, acting up?”

“Yeah, I was angry and alone.”

“I wish you had let me know.”

“It’s ok. After your accident, I saw you were as angry as I was. I found a kindred spirit.”

“So that’s what you meant about me helping you. I guess I was lucky.”

“It started that way, but I thought you were really cool. You were yourself, authentic and didn’t need to fit in with the popular crowd.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“After a while, I saw that not being one of the jocks wasn’t a death sentence. I didn’t always have to please them. That’s why I hung out with you and the rest, I didn’t always have to prove my loyalty, allegiance or whatever. And you always had my back.”

Alex hadn’t realised the significance of Zach’s defection to their side.

“I am…,” he stammered. “I am honoured that you thought so highly of me.”

“I still think highly of you.”

“Thanks, Zach. It means a lot, coming from you.”

They settled into a moment of comfortable silence after that, just like when they used to hang out, comfortable being with each other, thinking their own thoughts.

Alex broke the silence. “It’s scary that without gravity we would just fly off this planet. Right this moment, I could just fly off,” Alex replied.

“Have you been taking special cookies again?” Zach asked. “Without me?”

“No such thing. I’m serious.” He made a serious face, wondering if Zach could see.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you drift away.” Zach said.

On impulse, and remembering his dad’s words, Alex held Zach’s hand, half-expecting him to move away. Instead Zach held his hand and didn’t let go as they looked up into the night sky, raining stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favourite scene in the chapters. Sorry it took so long to get here.


	6. Unleashed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a romantic night looking at stars, passion is unleashed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter describes graphic M/M sex, you may either like it or get offended.

# Night 6 – Unleashed

They drove home and listened to songs by Ben Platt, reminding Alex of the 2020s.

When Alex first came out, he felt compelled to learn more about the queer community. He was happy to find that there were positive GLBTQIA role models everywhere. And one of those positive influences, was Ben Platt’s. The song ‘Grow as We Go’ spoke to him, and that was what was playing now. There was a significance to the song, as he had listened to it when he steeled himself to leave Zach for New York. And that was what was playing when they got close to his home.

The song finished as they pulled up the driveway. They got out of the car.

When he opened the front door, Zach hugged him from behind and took a deep breath.

“Zach, are you ok?” Alex asked.

Zach turned him around to look at him and kissed him.

Alex kissed him back and soon their hands were everywhere. They undressed as they made their way to his bedroom, a feverish passion that had built up over twenty years was about to be unleashed. Zach turned on the bedside lamp when they got into the room.

“Off, off, off,” Zach said as he took off Alex’s belt and pushed him onto the bed. Zach pulled off Alex’s jeans, and then his own. He growled as he climbed over Alex and kissed his neck.

Alex stroked Zach’s strong powerful back while hoping this was real and not one of those lucid dreams. If it were, he was going to touch every part of Zach that he could. Alex reached into Zach’s boxers and could hardly wrap his fingers around his cock.

“I didn’t know you were this big.” Alex said. “I had seen you in the showers.”

“Someone’s been taking peeks?”

“Just a little. How big is it?”

“About 8 inches. I think 6 inches around.”

“Zach, I want you in me.”

“You sure?” Zach asked, looking into his eyes.

Alex nodded. “I need you.”

Zach straddled Alex and looked at him admiringly.

“You’re so beautiful, Alex.” Zach said, kissed his neck and moved down to suck on a pink nipple. With another hand, he rubbed Alex’s cock through his underwear. Alex was already hard and moaning.

“Zach,” he called lustily.

“This ok?” Zach asked.

Alex nodded, spreading his legs so Zach could play with his cock and balls.

Zach drank in the sight of Alex, looking flushed in the face and chest, hard and ready, before going down on him. Alex was nicely endowed with a slight curve, and had large heavy balls. Zach sucked hungrily, pinching Alex’s nipples as he did so. Alex squirmed, overwhelmed by the sensation.

“Condom?” Zach asked.

“We’ve both been tested recently right? And we haven’t been with anyone else,” Alex said.

Zach nodded; they had seen each other’s tests. “Only you, Alex. I have wanted only you.”

“I want to feel you raw in me, Zach. I don’t want the condom.”

Zach got naked, and flipped Alex around. Alex’s butt was beautiful, smooth and perky. He kissed a cheek and then the other, and jerked Alex off with his other hand, then inserted two lubed fingers to loosen Alex’s hole. Alex clenched around his fingers.

Zach poured copious amounts of lube on his hard cock.

“Ahhh..” Alex moaned, as Zach pushed his cock in. He stopped at the glans, to allow Alex to adjust to his size.

“You’re so fucking big, Zach,” Alex said.

Zach kissed Alex’s shoulder and pushed in until he was halfway and waited, all the while playing with Alex’s nipples and cock. Alex was dripping pre-cum heavily, which Zach rubbed around Alex’s glans. Alex pushed his butt against Zach, trying to get his cock in deeper.

“Ready, babe?” Zach asked.

Alex nodded, “fuck me, Zach.” _He called me babe._

Zach pushed until there was no more room to give and after a pause, started thrusting. Alex moaned.

Zach flipped Alex around to look at Alex’s face while he fucked him. Alex’s blue eyes closed in a mix of pain and pleasure as Zach thrusted, and his butt moved rhythmically against his cock insistently. When Alex’s breath quickened, Zach slowed down to long and slow circular thrusts, and played with Alex’s nipples. When Alex relaxed, he fucked him hard and furiously.

He continued this until Alex begged, “I can’t take this anymore. Let me cum.” Alex moved to jerk himself off.

Zach gave him a devilish smile and pinned Alex’s hands down with one hand. Sweat dripped down his forehead and chest from the exertions. With the other, he used a butterfly-light touch to gently stroke Alex’s cock. His thighs slid alongside Zach’s on a film of sweat. “Not so fast.”

Zach continued to fuck him slowly for what felt like hours. When Alex went past the point of return and started dribbling cum, Zach hastened his trusts. Alex moaned uncontrollably and shot streams of white onto their chests, also hitting Zach’s face. He tightened around Zach’s cock and he felt Zach stiffen and grow bigger in him, increasing his pleasure.

Zach was cumming too. His body shuddered as he shot spurt after spurt into Alex’s tight hole. He continued thrusting slowly, until the waves of the orgasm died down, and Zach’s seed dripped out of his hole. Finally spent, Zach collapsed next to Alex on the bed.


	7. A Pattern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few surprises await Alex.

# Day 7 – A Pattern

Daylight streamed in through the windows, illuminating the room and the faded posters in Alex’s room. Alex looked at Zach, sleeping naked at his side, having pushed away the covers in the night despite it being chilly. Zach looked like the angels from the paintings, as the sun bathed his skin with an angelic glow, and showed off his strong pecs and rockhard abs that had become _de rigueur_ in the entertainment and fashion industry. Yet what he loved most about this man was his face, especially when he smiled cheekily.

He pondered and thought of the night before. He had always believed that Zach was straight. That had been the truth that broke things up between them.

 _Would last night change things between us?_ Alex wondered. _Would it mend us?_

Zach opened his eyes and looked up at him and stretched, his muscles rippled in the light. “Good morning,” Zach said, puckering his lips for a kiss.

“Good morning.” Alex said, kissing him.

“Let me make you breakfast. You stay here,” Zach said, getting off the bed, his morning erection bobbing up and down as he moved and got dressed.

Alex was left to his thoughts for a while until Zach called. “Alex!”

He bounced off the bed and hopped down the stairs to bump into someone unexpected at his sitting room. Alex the ex, carrying a duffel bag.

“Al,” Alex said, stunned.

“Alex!” Al said, “I’m so sorry for what I did. I left things in a bad state and I’m here to apologise for my bad behaviour.”

“I’ll …,” Zach said. “I’ll give you guys some room. Eat the pancakes.”

“Thank you,” Al said.

_He could not get out of there fast enough. Shit._

“What are you doing here, Al?”

“Who is he? He looks familiar?” Al said.

“He..” Alex started. _Date? Boyfriend?_ “An old friend.”

Al said, “I realised my mistake, I shouldn’t have let my anger get the better of me. We’ve been together for three years, and you’re so important to my life. I’ve never loved anyone more than I have loved you. That’s why you make me so crazy sometimes. Sometimes I just worry that I have lost your love and that hurts me a lot.” Al said. “I also wanted to say good bye to your dad. Can I stay here?” Al showered him with kisses. “Please forgive me.”

Alex could not bear to hurt Al. _But what about Zach?_

* * *

That afternoon, Alex and Jess met up in Bank’s to chat and catch up. Alex had told Al to find something to do while he caught up with Jess over funeral arrangements that he assured Al that would bore him to death. Truthfully, he needed time to think and he did not think he could handle the funeral, Zach and Al, all at the same time. Bank’s was busy as usual, the smell of coffee was warm and comforting like a familiar blanket.

“Al is here, Jess.” Alex said.

“What? How?” Jessica asked. “I thought you finally got rid of him.” Jessica covered her mouth with her hands. “Oops.”

“I can’t ‘get rid’ of him. He’s young and quick tempered but he has his good points as well.”

“Are you seriously considering taking him back? After all he’s put you through in the short three years you have been together?” Jess said disapprovingly. “Alright, it’s your life, and I should not be telling you what to do.”

“We did it, Jess.” Alex said.

“You had sex with Al?” Jess asked.

Alex shook his head.

“With Zach?” Jess asked. “Oh my god!”

Alex nodded, stirring his drink.

“What’s going on?” Jess asked, grabbing his forearm. “Isn’t he straight and married?”

“Apparently not so straight, and he’s separated,” Alex said. “What’s he doing with me? He could have anybody.”

“That’s true,” she agreed, “but obviously you’re not just anybody. I mean, look at what he’s been doing for you.”

That was true, Zach had gone above and beyond anyone he knew, and not just at the present moment. Even when they were teenagers, Zach had gone out of way to help Alex, and Alex would have given his life to protect Zach. Zach had always maintained that he was straight though.

Alex shook his head. “True, it seems that we could be.. I don’t know, good friends with benefits? I don’t know how I feel too. I mean, I’ve had boyfriends, I’ve moved on, right?”

Jess stared at Alex. “Have you noticed something about your exes, Alex?”

“What? That they are all guys?”

“You dated Charlie, who was a quarterback. Ron, the baseball player. Channing, a football player, and your latest, ironically also called Alex, a football player.”

“What? I like athletic guys.”

“Half of them were Asian, and tall. Al could pass for a young Zach, but a very nasty tempered one. He’s the one you’ve stayed the longest with.”

It then dawned on Alex that Jessica’s words were true.

“Why have you not told me this before?”

“I thought it was coincidence, like you said, but seeing how you are literally melting in Zach’s presence convinced me that you still hold a flame for him after all these years. It clicked.”

“Was I just looking for a replacement Zach all these years?”

“Explains why you stuck by Alex for so long. Alex, the Asian football player who also plays baseball on the side, despite him being a slob and bad in bed. He is such a looker though.” Jessica said, taking a sip from her ice blended drink.

“FML, Jess I’m so fucked up,” Alex said.


	8. Unbroken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach meets Alex to talk.

## Night 8 - Unbroken

Zach had not returned to his home the night before, but he had texted Alex not to worry. “Need to think. Will let you know when I’m ready,” he had said. While alone at the home, he had had time to think.

Alex wondered where he was going with Zach. He had taken so long to get over him and had finally moved on with life. But objectively speaking, his life, be it romantic, family or professional, was in pieces. And what did last night mean? Zach was a self-confessed straight guy. Zach’s cryptic response was uncertain and unsettling. When night fell, his phone lit up.

“Meet me at the rooftop in fifteen,” Zach said. There was no guessing which rooftop.

Alex made his way to the building, one of the few original art deco buildings that had been preserved. He looked up and saw the parapet where he had nearly fallen off, and Zach had caught him. He was glad this building remained, so he could revisit the place, if not the time.

He made his way up by lift, and the final floor by stairs, running his fingers along the brick walls as he climbed each step. He had done the same thing back then, feeling the grain as he climbed each step up, looking at Zach’s strong back as he led the way. At the top of the stairs lay the door to the rooftop. He pushed the door open. The steel felt cold in his hands.

The door opened to a familiar scene, the rooftop was almost as he remembered it, but they had given it a good powerwash and the stones looked clean and new. And there were fairy lights encircling the area, and Zach stood in the middle of the rooftop wearing a trenchcoat that flapped in the breeze. A portable Marshall speaker stood next to him.

“What’s all this?” Alex asked.

Zach smiled and pressed play on his phone. “Grow as We Go” played on the speaker. Zach said, “I remembered this song that you played on our way back from stargazing. I saw how this song made you feel.” Zach took Alex in his arms, and slow danced with him. Memories of dancing with Zach, in his room flashed through Alex’s mind.

> _I don't think you have to leave  
>  If to change is what you need  
> You can change right next to me_

The dark sky was clear above them, but there were no stars where there were city and fairy lights.

Zach continued, “All these years, I keep thinking to this moment, wishing that back then, I had kissed you back and stopped you from leaving my life. I found myself looking back, wondering how my life, our lives, could have turned out. I thought I was gay.”

“So, did you date other guys?” Alex asked. He knew it must have been a hard decision for Zach considering that he got married.

“I explored my sexuality with other guys, but they left me thinking I was possibly straight.” Zach held Alex by the shoulders and looked into his eyes. “I filed for separation so that Sarah could find love with someone who deserved her, and was more certain of their feelings.”

“I’m so sorry,” Alex said. “It must have been hard, to leave behind what you had.”

“Nothing to be sorry about. I hadn’t met you yet, and I didn’t think I would meet you again,” Zach said, smiling at him. “Then bumping into you at Bank’s. I thought the universe was giving me a second chance.”

“I honestly wasn’t stalking you.”

“Only a stalker would say something like that,” Zach continued slow dancing. “I didn’t enjoy seeing you sad, but I was grateful to have a chance to know you again. You were the same Alex I knew, but you have grown and improved so much more. And when you let me… when we did it, it finally felt right, the pieces fell into place and I finally felt whole after all this time.”

Zach continued, “What I am trying to say is, perhaps I am mostly straight, but we have something good together and I think you felt it too.”

Alex nodded.

Zach continued, “I was unprepared when Al appeared, and I was almost ready to give up when I saw you guys together. I was going to drink myself silly like I did in high school. But I thought about it and it’d be seriously fucked up for me to give up my second chance, so I thought that we could re-do our first kiss.”

“Come to think of it, why aren’t you with Al?” Zach asked, raising an eyebrow.

Alex replied, “Don’t worry about him, I sent him on his way. I sensed something was up and called his ‘friend’. Apparently, he got fired from his team, and he had nowhere else to go. I came looking for you, because I realised that I haven’t forgotten you either and I want to see where this goes.”

“It makes me very happy to hear that,” Zach said, hugging Alex.

“I had a whole speech prepared too, but I guess it’s not necessary now.” Alex smiled wickedly.

“Well, I really want to hear it, but I really want the do-over first,” Zach said and pulled Alex in for a kiss. Alex thought of the first time they kissed on the rooftop, and he had felt Zach return the kiss but pull back. This time though, he could feel Zach kissing him wholeheartedly, his arms hugging him tight, like he was catching him and never letting him fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a hard scene to write because I wasn't sure where to place it, I thought of 3 options and wrote them all. So silly of me not to think of the rooftop first since I had referenced it a few times.


	9. Endings and Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex holds a funeral to remember his dad.

# Day 13 – Endings and Beginnings

In the church, sunlight streamed in from the stained-glass windows, illuminating the white walls and rows of benches with prismatic rays.

Surrounded by white lilies and roses, Bill Standall rested in an open walnut casket, dressed in a navy blue Hugo Boss suit. Alex had bought the suit years ago, when he had received a particularly handsome bonus. The caretakers had done their best, but Bill looked nothing like how Alex remembered. His skin was pallid, cheeks sunken, and his head was bald. He looked like a wax figure.

By the casket was a large framed digital display showing Bill’s photo from a few years back, slightly balding, but happy. It was the photo that Alex had taken when they had gone hiking in the summer.

Clay, Jessica, Zach sat near the front. Zach, though in sombre black, still looked dashing as usual. The ceremony was a simple one, and after the pastor had said her words, Alex went up to give his eulogy, talk about what he had learnt from his father, and how much his father had meant to him. Random memories filled his head. He remembered that how his father had taken him on his first day at school. He had been fearful and clung to his father, so his father sat in the corner of the room, and waited until he had made a friend. Even then, he had stood watch out of sight to make sure he was okay over the next few days. The next memory he had was of his dad in the hospice, frail, gasping for breath, yet smiling saying he had lived a full life and told Alex not to be sad for long, and that he loved hiim.

Alex ended with the words, “…. And I take comfort in knowing that I have many words and memories of him to keep him alive in my heart.

Thank you.”

* * *

The hearse reached the same cemetery where too many of the people he knew were buried. After the burial in the cemetery, mourners came by to offer their condolences in person and to share their memories of his father. Alex smiled at some memories, and teared at others. Whenever he felt overwhelmed, he looked at Zach, who was always nearby, and Zach looked back reassuringly. That kept him going.

After an hour or so, all the mourners had left, save for Clay, Zach, and Jess. Without communicating, they knew what they were going to do.

They stopped by Bryce’s headstone first, then Monty’s, dropping a red rose at each. Bryce’s headstone was well-kept, with a recent bouquet placed on it. Monty’s was in a state of disrepair, the cheap stone was cracked and weeds had grown over it. Next was Jeff Atkin’s headstone, where they also left a rose.

They moved on to Hannah’s headstone next, the person who had started a chain of events that changed their lives forever. It was well-looked after, like Bryce’s was. There were no flowers, however. Hannah’s parents had both moved out of town, last they heard. Alex stole a look at Zach and noticed him furrowing his eyebrows. _Was he thinking of their summer romance?_ Alex held Zach’s hand and squeezed.

Clay was quiet too. He was a full-grown man but at that moment, it was like when _The Night We Met_ played, and Clay was just a vulnerable, lost teenager. His eyes lingered on the tombstone which said “Hannah Baker – our little girl”.

They took a moment of silence, and left a red rose there too.

The sun was low in the sky when they reached Justin’s tombstone. It was the golden hour which casted long shadows and the plants shone in the evening light. Gleaming sunlight peered through tree trunks. Alex shivered. It was getting a little chilly. Zach put his arm around him, sharing his warmth. They shared a smile.

Justin’s tombstone was nicely maintained by the Jensens. There was a bouquet of roses left at the tombstone.

“I came by when I landed,” Clay said. “It’s one of the first things I do when I come back.” Alex touched the tombstone, tracing Justin’s name with a finger tip on the granite.

Alex nodded. He knew that Clay and Justin had been very close, even closer than real brothers would have been.

“He was so beautiful,” Clay said. “He.. I.. am so glad we met.”

Jessica nodded. “We were blessed,” she said. “I can still see his smile.” She looked upwards, seeming to blink back tears. Alex put a comforting arm each around her and Clay. Zach wrapped them all up with a group hug, making them laugh. They left their remaining roses with Justin.

“Good bye, Justin,” Clay said, “I love you. I’m flying back tomorrow, but I will be back to see you soon.”

Following Clay’s example, they all said their goodbyes to Justin.

“You should rest, you’ve had a long day,” Clay said, giving Alex a tight hug. It was that same hug Clay gave at Justin’s funeral. The hug that says _I’m holding you tight because I am scared of losing you too._

“It would have been longer had you all not helped me out. Thank you, guys,” Alex replied, pulling all of them in for a group hug and another round of laughs.

“Take care of him, Zach,” Jess said, touching Zach’s shoulder.

“Of course, I will,” Zach replied, patting Jess’s hand. Jess went off to have a private conversation with Alex.

“I heard you’re seeing each other now,” Clay said, pulling Zach aside.

Zach blushed and nodded.

“Alex looks very happy,” Clay said. “I never understood why you guys never went out, we all thought you were perfect for each other back then.”

“Maybe we weren’t right for each other yet.” Zach said.

“Well, I’m glad you had a second chance. I wish I could have a second chance with Justin.”

“You… and Justin?”

Clay nodded. “He was beautiful and we were horny teenagers sharing a room,” Clay said. He looked at Justin’s tombstone for a moment before continuing, “don’t ever let go of Alex, or it’s your loss.”

“I won’t be repeating that mistake again, I’m too old for detours.”

They laughed and hugged.

* * *

As Clay and Jess left in their own cars in the carpark, it felt a little final. He had enjoyed the time with his friends during the past week. Now that they were going back to their own lives the next day, made the ache harder to bear. Zach and him stood in the carpark, empty except for their car.

“So, did you know about Clay and Justin?” Zach asked, putting an arm around Alex.

“Yeah, later though. I saw how distraught Clay was after Justin passed and put two and two together,” Alex said.

“How do I keep missing these things?”

“Maybe your gaydar had not awoken yet,” Alex said, leaning against Zach. The man was built like a tree, and he really needed to go home and crash after the long and emotional day.

“So, what now?” Zach asked.

“We head home?”

“I know we just had your dad’s funeral, but I feel I need to ask this now since you have to make plans for the future,” Zach said and knelt down on one knee. “These past few days have shown me that I like you a lot and I like who I am when I’m with you. You make me want to be a better man for you, and I cannot imagine a future without you near me.”

Zach took out a red rose and asked, “be my boyfriend and come with me to LA?”

Realising that life was too fleeting, Alex decided to go with his heart. He smiled, touched Zach’s face, and said, “there’s nothing I would want more.”


	10. Karen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time jump 3 years later. Zach's sister is getting married and his mom has a plan up her sleeve.

Karen Dempsey watched as her suburban house, normally quiet and serene, was abuzz with laughter and activity. It was her daughter May’s wedding day and they had decided to follow the Chinese tradition of gatecrashing in the morning. Basically, May’s bridesmaids will set a number of tasks for the groom and his bestmen to accomplish before letting him into the house to marry May. May had thought it would be a fun way to connect with the Chinese side of her heritage and have some fun.

  
Karen adjusted her diamond brooch in the mirror, it was the shape of the Japanese wave painting. She could understand that her children often found it hard to fit in. Being of mixed heritage, they belonged to each culture but not, but she had tried to do her best for her children. She had helped them with their homework when they were younger, enrolled them in various enrichment classes, made sure that each single minute of their life went productively so that they would be successful in life.

When you had money, race did not matter. They would not be looked down on, or told to go back to their own country. She felt a prick on her finger and looked down. She had been careless with the pin. Blood blossomed on her finger and she put it in her mouth to suck the blood away. She wondered if the blood would show on her red cheongsam.  
She heard her son’s laughter in another room. He and Alex were getting suited up too. She walked over to check if they were ready. She knocked on the door and they stepped apart quickly and looked away from each other. She smiled gently and said, “get ready soon, boys, the auspicious hour is upon us.” She was not the superstitious sort, but if May wanted to play the Chinese bride, she would play along.

“Ok, ma, we will be out soon,” Zach said, reminding her very much of his father, her dead husband. She had been the hardest on him, as he was the only son. In Chinese tradition, sons needed to live up to a lot of things. They took over the family business and continued to family line.

She remembered her conversation with Zach in his high school days, to make sure he knew what he had to do. She had seen him and Alex spending a lot of time together after school.

“Your friend, Alex,” she had said, as she stirred the wok in the kitchen. She was frying noodles.

“What about him?”

“He seems nice. Good looking.”

“He is. Nice. I mean.”

“I also heard he likes boys.”

“Mom!”

“Well, I’m not against that sort of thing.”

“Where are you going with this?”

“I don’t care what other white boys get up to. I just wanted to let you know that Asian boys are different and they are expected to have children.”

“This is getting weird. I’m not continuing this conversation,” Zach got up and took his jacket to leave.

“Zach Shan-Yung Dempsey, it’s already hard enough to face the people from the Chinese association with your grades, I won’t have you failing in life either!”

Zach paused at the doorway without looking back, and without a reply, left the room, as if he had not heard her.

Karen was woken from her recollection by Patricia who called out, “Everybody, positions!” Patricia was May’s best friend and she took her role as head bridesmaid very seriously. She had sent out a revised ops plan the day before. “They are at the driveway!” She screamed.

  
Zhong Yi, May’s soon-to-be husband appeared with his four best men. “Let us in!” They called out, reminding Karen of the wolves in the three little pigs tale. She laughed softly to herself. Patricia was a little on the heavy side.

Zhong Yi was beaming like it was the happiest day of his life. It was a far cry from Zach’s wedding. Sure, her son seemed happy enough to marry Sarah but looking back, she had felt something was off. Zach was different now when he was with Alex, and he laughed like he did in his high school days.

She had hoped it was a phase so that she would not have to do or say anything but it had been three years and the two of them lived together. Zach looked much happier and relaxed when Alex was around. She had tried to start talking to Zach about Alex, but he always changed the subject. Alex was polite to her but they had never had a conversation together. Zach would always come up with an excuse to keep Alex away from her, like she was going to hurt Alex.

“AAARRRGGGGHHHH!” One of the bestmen screamed. “IT BURNS!” It must be the wasabi sandwich. These bridesmaids meant business. Karen watched in amusement as the men and women traded comments with each other through each of the tasks or ordeals. 

The last ordeal was the red packet. The groom needed to give the bridesmaids a sizeable hongbao totalling $888, an auspicious figure. However, the groom had his own trick up his sleeve.

The girls eyes widened when they saw that it was not an envelope, but a bucket filled with one-dollar coins. Patricia could barely lift the bucket. “Okay, okay, we concede! You may enter!”

Then it was time for the tea ceremony. They placed a singular seat for Karen, while May and Zhong Yi knelt in front of her to offer her tea. Patricia busied herself with preparing the tea to be served.

“Ma, hē chá,” May and Zhong Yi said in their best Mandarin, serving a cup of Jasmine tea on a tray.

“Guāi,” Karen said, took the tea cup and took a sip as tradition dictated. In return, she gave them a red packet, for good luck.

Karen’s job for May was done for the day but she had another job to do for her son, to make sure he did not continue with his mistake.

“Next, to serve tea to Zach, May’s older brother,” Patricia announced.

Zach took his place on her seat.

“Please serve..” Patricia said.

“Wait,” Karen said.

Patricia furrowed her brows, obviously unhappy that her ops plan had been put on pause.

“We need another chair for Alex,” Karen said.

May looked shocked at first, but broke into a wide grin. Zach's face was frozen.

“I know you’re not married yet, but Alex is practically a part of the family already.” Karen said.

Zach blinked away tears. Alex did too.

 _Silly boys._ Karen thought. But her vision blurred too. _Oh her mascara!_

So there they were, Zach and Alex, both seated in the middle of the room. Her daughter and soon to be husband kneeling in front of them. She heard whispers about how cute the two of them were. Her son was tall dark and handsome, and he and Alex made a good-looking pair.

“Kor, Alex, please drink tea!” May and Zhong Yi said, proffering the tea. May had no time to research the appropriate title for her brother-in-law, since each relative had their own honorific, but it would do. 

Zach and Alex drank the tea and gave the couple a red packet too.

“This is from us,” Zach said, stammering, but he said it again, surer. "This is from us." 

After the tea ceremony, Zach took Karen to a quiet corner.

“Thank you, ma,” Zach said.

Karen shook her head. “I see how happy Alex makes you. I should be the sorry one to make you feel like you can’t talk about your loved one with me.”

“What about your Chinese association members?”

“Most of those old crones are dead or dying, Zach. You, my son, still have a full life ahead of you to live,” she put a palm on Zach’s cheek. It was damp from his tears. “Your happiness matters to me and I wanted to make sure you know that.”

Zach nodded.

“I still expect a lot of grandchildren though,” Karen continued. “Lots and lots of them!”

“MA!” Zach exclaimed.


End file.
